Politics: Australian Election – Meet the Australian Shooters and Fishers Party

For some reason I want to write this entire post in ArrrrrrPirate speech, me hearties! Which is inappropriate, because there is nothing amusing about the Australian Shooters and Fishers Party.

Where do I even start?

They like guns. And fishing. And they don’t want any of those hippie peacenik enviro-fascist types getting in the way of their fun.

Their Senate ticket is pretty much what you’d expect. Right wing parties up top and Greens dead last, though they have cherry-picked their way through the major parties and put everyone in the order they prefer. Stephen Conroy, for example, is the only ALP member to make their top ten. He’s in the rather unfortunate company of the Christian Democratic Party, one Family Firster, some Liberals and one of the DLP chaps. Actually, preferences are alternating a bit between Labor and Liberal, so it’s a bit hard to know where they will go in the end. If I got my preferences from this lot, though, I wouldn’t be admitting it.

The Australian Shooters and Fishers Party feels that every state ought to be able to have their own gun laws. And that if you have a license in one state, you should be able to take your gun into any other state you like, without interference. In other words, everyone in Australia gets to abide by whatever the lowest standard is across Australia.

I feel safer now. You know, this is almost making me nostalgic for Howard. The one thing his government did that I absolutely and completely liked was make our gun laws much, much stricter. But I digress.

They also don’t want the Federal Government to interfere with their right to use explosive penis-substitutes by means of taxation, levies, customs restrictions or Australia Post restrictions.

I suppose on the up-side, I’d be able to send my Christmas Crackers by post. I can’t see any other upside, though.

The ASFP specifically opposes any attempt to create a Coral Sea Marine Protected Area anywhere in Australia’s fishing zones.

Because national environmental treasures are far less important than the right to kill things. I feel myself becoming vegetarian.

The AFSP demands States’ Rights. The Commonwealth does not get to veto state infrastructure projects, such as projects relating to power or water.

Because water never crosses state borders, and nor should it. If we have something, why should we share?

S&F requires the Commonwealth to fairly compensate citizens where any State or Territory has compulsorily acquired a citizens property as a result of an obligation under a Commonwealth Treaty , Covenant, or Protocol (eg. The Kyoto Agreement).

Note the use of ‘fairly’. The Commonwealth does compensate citizens in these circumstances, of course, but who defines fairly? Actually, there is probably room for some argument here, but these guys have alienated me pretty thoroughly, as you may possibly have noticed, so I’m a bit disinclined to give them any credit. Selfish gits.

Also, it’s not fair if third parties can take anyone to court under the Environmental Protection Act. I’m not actually sure what this means, but I know it can’t be good.

Senators must at all times protect the interests of the State which elected them.

One could have some interesting arguments about what these interests might be, but need I even bother?

And a moratorium on immigration of any kind. They don’t actually say ‘white Australia policy’, but I can hear it in the grinding of their teeth.

Wow. I’m coming up to some difficult choices here at the bottom of my ballot paper. This lot are definitely contenders for that much-desired last place. The DLP upset me on a much deeper level somehow, but this lot… oh, hell, I don’t like to generalise, but these policies strike me as ranging from the merely selfish to the outright dangerous.

And they are armed. And would like to be even better armed.

That’s the winning ticket to the bottom of my personal Senate ticket, if you’ll pardon the clumsiness of this expression. If I must have rightwing nutjobs attempting to run my life for me, I prefer them to be unarmed. It’s going to be hard work to beat this lot.

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